“List Of Five Headlines I read Too Fast and What They Really Said”
by Paul Lander
Canadians To Stop Making Penises
Canadians To Stop Making Pennies
The Best Cancers For Your Brain
The Best Careers For Your Brain
Ten Fossil Resume Mistakes
Ten Foolish Resume Mistakes
Hump Sum or Annuity? The Best Way To Get Your Lottery Millions
Lump Sum or Annuity? The Best Way To Get Your Lottery Millions
Embarrassing Porn Photos
Embarrassing Prom Photos
“E! Entertainment in Assoc. With Wilson School Government Announce Prime Time Special ‘U.S Cabinet Members: Hotties And Not-ties.'”
by Paul Lander
E!Entertainment in association with Princeton’s Woodrow Wilson School of Government announced it will broadcast a very special election year E! Primetime special “U.S Cabinet Members: Hotties and Not-ties.”
In a sneak preview of the results, an E! Spokesman revealed George W. Bush Secretary of State Condolezza Rice was named Cabinet Member with Best Legs Ever. Lincoln Secretary Of State William H. Seward finished second. Although Seward had superior bone structure, he was known to sometimes wear unflattering, non-slimming leggings. E! also revealed the most votes for “Sexiest Living Male Cabinet Member” went to former Clinton Attorney General Janet Reno. And, that on the subject of present Secretary of State and former First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, E! would only divulge ˜you can’t spell Rodham without the word “Dam!” or ˜Ham!”
Not to leave the other side of this year’s Presidential politics unaccounted for, Republican Candidate Mitt Romney said he couldn’t be prouder upon hearing his Dad, George Romney, former Richard Nixon Housing and Urban Development Secretary was named “HUD Stud.” Professor Zachary Niedemier of the Wilson School added, “People don’t realize just how sexy U.S history can be. We’re looking forward to future collaborations with E! like “Supreme Court Justices Let Down Their Robes” and “FLIFs: First Ladies I’d Like To F@#$.'”
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