Letters to the Editor

Hi-ho, hi-ho, Hobos!  Time to  some letters.  It’s my sworn duty to always answer anything addressed to me since my scumbag husband Pete never wrote me back when I accused him of giving me brothel sprouts back in nineteen-five-aught.

I need your assist on a project.

Mr & Mrs. Idulagognua

Look here, you husband and wife tricksters, cut the gas!  This ain’t water polo.  If you need an assist from the Rooster, you’d better slip me directions to the pool, a fetching swim-cap, and a geriatric-grade bathing suit.

Rebuffingly yours,

R. “R.” F.

dear Hoboes,

all things are PASTA BOWL

Olive Garden humor.

Chris

Dear Christobowl,

Oh, I’m sorry, did I rattle your cage, spelling your name wrong?  How does that make you feel?  Pretty durn hot under the collar, am I right, Chris?  Serves ya right for acting like this here dot-comical publication is just an oboe with an “h” in front of it.

And you got some nerve, making fun of the Olive Garden.  Those corporate Italians give regular Joes and Janes to have a taste of swanky cuisine like I did after the Second Great War when I weathered the post-war trauma on the shores of Sicily with a war criminal named Rodolfo.  Course, I didn’t know he was a war crime-commiting scoundrel at the time, and I turned him in as soon as he opened up to me about being the one who got Mussolini to get the blame trains running on time, but we ate some mighty mouth-watering salad and breadsticks for a few weeks, is what I’m saying

Hungrily,

R. “R.” Flanagan

Re: Kelvin Miller. Do you know him personally? You don’t know me, but I received a friend request from Kelvin yesterday and approved it, even though we have no friends in common. I noticed Kelvin had just created his FB profile 9 days ago. I received a message from him today. I responded to it and he sent me a reply within 5 minutes. We continued talking for another few minutes, and as we talked, it seemed like English is not Kelvin’s first language. I asked him about it in hopes of understanding why some of the things he typed didn’t seem clear to me. I didn’t receive a response. This raised my suspicions and I’ve concluded that his profile could possibly be a fake. I could be completely wrong, but I just share this as a warning in case I’m right. If you know Kelvin personally, please forgive my assumptions. But if not, you might want to be careful.

Elisa

Dear Elisa,

This is why I stay off the Facebook and stick to the “Faces of the Senior Diversion Center” catalogue.  Everybody’s eyesight is too bad to read the phone numbers, and most everyone in it is dead, so you know they won’t be carryin’ a torch for you unless it’s from beyond the grave.

Encouragingly,

“Rooster”