The Random Thoughts of JHM

Random Thought: Levitation

Before you can understand levitation, you must learn how to meditate. Lucky for you I have the instructions.

Now I begin with lighting some candles. Esque Terracotta candles with the “Mysteria” fragrance from Bed, Bath and Beyond work the best. I light three of them, one for each of my legs. Then I have eight deep breaths: the ins through the mouth and outs through the nostrils. I make sure to concentrate on the insides of my nostrils to regulate the release of the marijuana smoke. Then I turn on some Rick James. With “Super Freak” at full blast, I do the robot for three minutes and twenty-four seconds. Next I pour a highball and slurp the first two sips, then I slug down the rest of it. Now at this point the candles should be going pretty good, so what youdo here is you figure out which one’s wick is burning the best, the brightest, then blow out the other two. Then you need to sit down and cross your legs and think of a nothingness. What I usually think of is outer-space but without any stars or planets or anything else.

After that you should be ready.

Pretty soon you’ll feel like you’re about to pass out. Let it happen. You can only witness your own consciousness while you’re passing out. The tick to it is to make sure you stay conscious, stay focused the entire time. Don’t forget that you’re thinking of a nothingness.

Then, as you pass out, you should see a white light. Now here you have to hurry up and be agile and make sure you don’t lose it, the white light. It should still be in but not on your mind. Beyond that white light is your consciousness. If you pass out the right way, completely focused on the white light, then instead of losing consciousness you will end up gaining it. It’s more like “passing in” than “passing out.”

And that’s it, a piece of cake. If you’ve done everything the way I told you to do it, then by now you’re levitating.