The Random Thoughts of JHM

I wear my team windbreaker year round. I’m a starter, a lineman on the practice squad, and everybody needs to know that I play ball for State.

Man, our football team is sooo cool. It’s not that big of deal our team lost 10 of 12 games last year. It just depends on how you look at it. The glass is 2/12 full, not 10/12 empty. Besides, our football team won 10 of 36 games over the last three years. It takes two hands to count ten wins. And that’s not easy.

We’re going to win a championship next season. After that, I’m going to high step my way straight to the NFL draft. At 6′ 6″  I’m pretty nimble for a giant, and pretty sure Deon Sanders or someone else from ESPN will be calling my iPhone any minute now. I have a custom ring, too. It sounds like a cash register opening: “Ka-Ching! Ka-Ching! Ka-Ching!”

Man, I am sooo sick. I grope hot chicks on the reg. I eat PowerBars on the reg. I wear windbreakers, basketball shorts and sandals with socks on the reg. On campus I move in slow motion. I want to be noticed. My sweat glands are extremely sensitive. That’s why I don’t wear sweatpants, like some of the other players. If I did, then people might notice my swamp-ass.

I can’t wait for my 1 pm class. It’s astronomy, or political science, or _________ — I don’t know, but during lectures everyone’s always checking me out. Fans, probably.

Of course I have a blog. It gets at least like twelve hits every day. Fans, probably.

I stare at the mirror and blow kisses to my-naked-self for three hours straight every night. My gut makes me gorgeous.

I’m a little surprised no one has asked me for my autograph yet. Especially because it’s going to be worthless. I mean priceless or worth even more, heh, in the future. Man, my signature is sooo cool. See, what I do, is: I write my first name in capital letters, then my number underneath it. Phone number, I mean. And I only sign my name on boobs and player contracts. Heh!

Hopefully the Chargers will pick me up. That way I can stay in San Diego, in the sunshine, in the mix with all the hot chicks and then in January, at the start of every year, I will still be able to say “we’re finally going to win a championship next season.”

Go 9ers.